Enlighten Me Free


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I have a very large white lab (110 lbs) everything about him mmhhmm is huge. Shovel not a bag if you know what I mean.

My lab, Astro, channels TRALFAZ. TRALFAZ, the enlightened one, was, is, will be, in a future life an entity of Mr. Gottrockets, the world's richest man.

Astro is mostly a very well mannered large dog. He eats, sleeps, poops, sniffs, sheds however, there are times when I know he is channeling TRALFAZ. How you ask:

He engages in heavy breathing exercises. Like pant pant pant - usually at 4:00 in the morning when he is up against my leg. Ever try to move a 110 pound lab in the middle of the night that is creating his own reality. Not an easy thing. I think the exercise has something to do with Runner's because his paws are always on the move and he is making alot of amorous sounding little noises. Like RMMMMMMpppppppphhh. I know that TRALFAZ has entered the room.

However when TRALFAZ leaves, ASTRO sends me great gold, for which I will do anything in return.

ASTRO tells me that TRALFAZ suggests I only eat pepperoni sticks, of which I must share with ASTRO to gain future knowledge of the times to come. You see Astro channels Tralfaz and Tralfaz channels Mr. Gottrockets and Mr. Gottrockets will be the wealthiest man on the earth down the road so it makes perfect sense that ASTRO must speak "The Truth". Any questions? I didn't think so.

ASTRO also says that the TRAL knows that the world economy and the dollar will come to a crash and we must prepare for the future. The future is bones, milk bones, ham bones, prime rib bones, and of course, lots of pepperoni. The market for bones (in dollars) will explode because our world is coming to an end and ASTRO wants to make sure he has a good bone stash going on.

How do I know this is true. When TRALFAZ is present, ASTRO undergoes a tranceformation. This usually happens when I come home from work or when he wants a pepperoni or needs a scratch. Suddenly the TRAL appears and ASTRO will begin burying or hiding his chew toy as if it were a sign, a card, a manifestation of the future. Bury bones and they will manifest. You will experience great gold.

So for all those interested, ASTRO highly recommends that you purchase truckloads of pepperoni, cases of Milkbones and lots of prime rib. Astro on behalf of Tralfaz will take care of them for you and Mr. Gottrockets will ensure that your future is secure.

Now Tralfaz and Mr. Gottrockets fully understand that you must eat so they have developed a program called the Masters Wealth Connection. It is very simple, you purchase a membership in IGOTPEPPERONI.com for $100 (hurry because $100 won't buy you much pepperoni pretty soon). Then you can expand your wealth by 10 times by simply convincing 100 of your friends that Pepperoni is the future and they only need to invest $100 in IGOTPEPPERONI.com (you keep $10 and IGOTPEPPERONI.com keeps $90) and of course they have 10,000 friends and they have 1 million friends and soon IGOTPEPPERONI.com has saved the world and ASTRO
can rest.


Leemar, Commander Galactic Invasion Force and
Astro's best friend

Re: Channeling

My German Shepherd SchIII tells me it's all hogwash! He said we need not invest in anything at all, but simply pick up the cow patties and use them for fuel. (He's also been known to nip a bit of his own, so perhaps it's why he has so much energy)-ugh. He further states there is no such thing as a "channel" unless you're talking about televisions or radios (the latter which he has been known to chew into smithereens if he's feeling bored). I once asked him if he would "channel" my former dog, but he tells me my former dog doesn't need anyone to speak for him, since he speaks to my heart. Then my amazing GSD licked me on the side of my face, tilted his head at me, and said, "life is simple. You already have and know the answers. Quit looking and come play with me. Life is about living and sniffing things, including flowers for you-many other things for me. It's all so simple, really."

Smart pup. Good nose, too. Wish I'd had him at the ranch. He can sniff bakwas a half mile away! (he can also take down a grown man in trials, but hey, that's part of the training). Focus? This guy focuses be there gunshots, fire engines with sirens blaring, jets landing and taking off, a motorbike club rushing the highway- still not giving up the focus on his tracking.

Perhaps Judith felt we were dogs in training, listen to her every command, protect her, bark for her, and "lick' her wounds when she would discuss her troubles. Instead of behaving as my noble GSD, she attempted to elevate herself on the backs of many of what she probably viewed as "dogs." But in my vocabulary, a dog is more of a "god" than Judith has ever demonstrated while I was at that "school."

My dog also can make us levitate, especially if he develops a case of the vapors during family time. We are out of our seats so quickly, there is no other explanation except for levitation.(it's true-ahem).

However, in all seriousness, with the focus I've witnessed among the GSD Schutzhunds, etc., perhaps Judith ought open a training ground for this special training for dogs, particularly since the horses didn't appear to work out very well. At least the dogs will keep the "wolves" away - and NO, I don't mean you wolfman-just thinking about the pervs in the school where there is "no right and no wrong" and anything "goes." I guarantee the dogs will.

Channeling vs. Kenneling

Thank you Leemar, Astro, and especially TRALFAZ for letting me know that we are not alone in the galactic empire! Your sharing about your beloved Astro and the mystic experiences give me the courage to let you know that there are other such experiences going on. You are not alone. Our cat, learned the disciplines from our (late) Golden Retriever. Only he called it, "Kenneling" not channeling, but it sounds like it in every respect. Now that the Golden has passed on this summer, the cat has begun to kennel his spirit AND it has really become uncomfortable living thinking we were the only ones.

Our cat, when going into trance, may or may not produce a sound like purring, but not purring. The eyes become focused, narrow, and then we are told there really are 9 lives to cats, but they have to pay a lot of money or spend 7 years (at least) in a litter box in order to become enlightened. I asked for an example and the cat demonstrated the ability to manifest, but only in this rectangular area where there is clay down in the basement. The cat manifests and it appears in front of your eyes. After years, myself, of studying at mystery skools, I detect with my highly developed sense of smell, that a new manifestation has taken place. I race to the rectangular box and there, sometimes uncovered, is a new manifestation of something from the cats past, I'm told.

He is master of a technique which he will demonstrate for others if given a significant amount of money or usually food. They use their paws and begin to draw geometric shapes in this clay-like, zen-garden-esque sand, and after the manifestation, to demonstrate the impermanance of life, they cover it up.

I also was first made aware of this mastery, due to the similarity of hearing a hissing sound from the cat, sounding exactly like breathing exercises of renown. Just like in a grate-hall

Another discipline of the cat, is that it spends many hours every day and night in what might be called, "Twilite". Clearly focusing on dreams and metamorphasis. Sometimes, though, I have to come down and turn down or turn off the repetitious CD or tapes of the twilite or what sounds like a rushing stream and a bunch of frogs. This is necessary, I'm told because the cat explained in order to become enlightened, you too must release your past, spend your time in the box, and cover up the (often smelly) manifestations.

I suspect the cat sees orbs, because in the middle of a room, the cat may look over our heads and then stare at the wall for no reason what so ever.

However, I wanted to alert Astros lawyers, and also G2G's dog, that the neighbor dog already is kenneling an entity called Tralfaz, when I questioned the owner, he said sometimes it is really ZAFLART, when you blow it out backwards or look into a mirror with candles the TRUE name is ZAFLART, from a dimensional galaxy, and that he is in the process of copywriting the true name and uninitiated neophytes use the name of Tralfaz. I told him he was wrong, as I already have attempted to purchase Astro's dog-bed for my own dog, is it available still on ebay or the kennel?

The other similarity, is it sounds just like Atro and Tralfaz, but not pepperoni's, instead it is sausages! Too similar for me to dismiss as a coincidence.

It was explained to me by the kenneling-kat, that the 9 lives are possible to all cats, but rarely to humans because of some ****** of human gawds ages ago and we no longer can have 9 lives, we lost that ability when we could no longer meow or bark. Bummer!
But there is a way, if we really want to, we can learn to navigate back home, as the cats do, to home, even when dropped off 20 miles or more from home. This is a true story and well documented.

Cats,once enlightented, reach a state of "PURRFection"
and all cats can kennel dogs or horses, but not all dogs can kennel cats, just certain humans, like your Mr. Gottrockets.

The other kewl thing is, obviously the kat graduated from some indigo-kollege or something, because he can navigate without touching walls or objects in the dark and reach the woid in our home whenever we put offerings of food or water.

Recently, while doing the hissing sound, I was astonished to see what appeared to be fangs in the mouth. (Reptilian inside?) skeered the bageezus outa me.

Well, Leemar, Astro, TRALFAZ (c) (even though it's really ZAFLART (C)) whatever s/he reveals after levitation from pepperoni is going to be what we all should invest in. Thanks for the tip!

Happy New Year!!!


Re: Channeling

You guys are hilarious!! I love it!

Re: Channeling

That (seriously) is the name of one of my cats...the stomach on legs who moved with my ex (but I have visitation)...
Are you sure your dog isn't channeling my cat???
Then there is the dog and other cat.
The other cat, Lily, can find the void, blindfold. She has her very own UG (which the unelightened among us would call under the dresser). And not only does she see ORBS, she can eat them. She is grey, and kind of alien looking, too.
But Coco the dog would be a washout in RSE...she hates music, she is disobedient, she won't sleep on the ground, she will not fetch, or chase, or find things, or swallow things she does not find palatable...
Seriously, though, you guys are too funny!!!! I tried, but can't measure up.

Re: Channeling

Lost in space:

I have seen ASTRO channel cats but I am pretty sure he is faking. I caught him practicing. He sleeps all day, doesn't pay attention to anyone or anything, expects you to clean up after him, feed him, and leave him alone. Hey wait a minute I think Astro is channeling Leemar. Wow that is scary! But there was one time he told me about some cat named Tralfaz Avatar that he was thinking about putting into his gig - I mean school. This Tralfaz Avatar cat had one way out look going on. Just Google this cat and you will see what I mean. My girlfriend has been wondering what happened to all her makeup, well sometimes I like to play dressup. "But honey, it wasn't me, it was ASTRO, honest I only like to put your Hanes on me."

Anyway, I don't think the Avatar plan really worked out for ASTRO. I think he thought he would give it a try to see if the catworld would jump on board. But hey ya don't know unless you try and ASTRO is pretty enterprising. He gets that from channeling Tralfaz who is a medium for Mr. Gottrockets who is of course very enterprising because he will be the richest man in the world and well what can you say about that!

I got something to say to entity G2G and his stupid German Shepherd SchIII (what the hell kind of name is that)!

How do you know it's not true? I bet you've never been in my bed at 4:00 in the morning with ASTRO channeling Tralfaz. You haven't - well at least I don't think you have. You've never attended an IGOTPEPPERONI.com business development training event for the days to come. It only costs a hundred bucks and hey consider the alternative - ya really think I'll share my pepperoni with you after you trash the TRAL. What are ya? CHEAP. Wow you are seriously lame. I don't even know why you are on this board. What is your problem? I have seen Astro channel the TRAL the Great One. HAVE YOU!!?? I've got pictures and tapes and everything and you can buy those at the next IGOTPEPPERONI.com event.

To: See&E

I don't know about this cat channel the dog deal. Sounds kind of kinky to me. Is that legal? Hey I've been around and have seen the whole ******* thing but a FENINE wow.

But I do appreciate the tip on this conman your neighbor and this ZALFART character he claims to channel. Tell him he can blow it out his ass and I will have my top firm, Deny, Dolittle and Delay, all over him first thing when they get around to returning my call.

I remain determined

Leemar, Commander Galactic Invasion Force and Astro's best friend and business development manager

Re: Channeling

I was wrong...Astro the Dog has a completely different personality from Astro the Cat, if what you say is true...
Astro the Cat thinks he is human, he talks to people, he sits on us, he comes when you call him, he takes any opportunity to make his presence felt, he scratches any furniture in sight, but only when you are there to watch, scold him, and pick him up...and if you leave him alone, he sulks for extended periods when you get back.
And, I think Coco the Dog should be sent in as a spy at RSE...she would not give JZ a moment's peace...she's howling at me now because I am on the computer.
She bays when she hears music.
She is not properly toilet trained (she was a rescue animal)...That Scalamander's decor would be toast. She begs for any food that's going. She has to sleep on the couch. She will not eat dog food unless you put something in it...grated carrot, grated cheese, gravy, whatever you are having. She knows how to open sealed containers...I think she has figured out how to make the refrigerator door open. If you stop petting her when she's next to you on the couch, even for a moment, she kicks you.
She would make a very poor guard dog...when a raccoon came through the window, I caught Coco and the raccoon happily sharing a garbage bag full. She thinks vicious attack dogs just want to play...
I could go on and on. She will eat anything, I mean, anything, from the ground...she could probably eat every card on the fence.

Re: Channeling

LEEMAR- have to get back to you later. Spent a lot of time with my "sssssssshutzhund" GSD at the beach, and his tracking has improved so much we found a small dead bird, dead fish, and dead seagull. Now my noble GSD is meowing and my cat is flirting with him. I'm concerned he might be channeling a cat without his consent or knowledge (particularly following his "beach" findings and recent photographs showing orbs on the beach)!

Still waiting for that pepperoni seminar, as in - how to keep my German Shepherd from engulfing an entire pepperoni pizza-ever so quietly. Hm. Again. If he meows one more time, I'm getting out my holy water from Lourdes. Do you accept faux gold chocolate coins (I've eaten the chocolate but still have the wrappers) as tuition?