Hi all

Merry Xmas to you all best wishes for the new year
HERES A COUPLE OF JOKES ONE TO BRING BACK A FEW MEMORIES AND THE OTHER JUST SHOWS WHAT THE WORLD MIGHT JUST COME TO.

REGARDS SALLY AND MARK

just remember to read the instructions first

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included



POLITCALLY CORRECT RUDOLF

Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer ...
Translation: Rudolph was a four-hooved ungulate,

Original: Had a very shiny nose ...
Translation: Who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon lustre.

Original: And if you ever saw him ...
Translation: Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he
ever came into your view,

Original: You would even say it glows ...
Translation: You would most undoubtedly remark at to its illuminary qualities.

Original: All of the other reindeer ...
Translation: The multitude of other members of the population in his
ecological community,

Original: Used to laugh and call him names ...
Translation: Had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him
unspeakable pseudonyms -- the objective of which was to lower his self-esteem
and make him miserable.

Original: They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games ...
Translation: They also excluded him from participation in leisure activities
consistent with their species.

Original: Then one foggy Christmas eve ...
Translation: However, on the twenty-fourth of December in an unspecified
year...

Original: Santa came to say ...
Translation: A mythological, supernatural being inherent to western culture
(who symbolizes the Christmas attitude and allegedly brings gifts to children)
arrived through the supersaturated, humid air.

Original: Rudolph, with your nose so bright ...
Translation: He formally invited Rudolph, due to his extraordinary nasal
characteristic.

Original: Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
Translation: To stand at the forefront of his snow vehicle with the express
purpose that he navigate through the nocturnal mist.

Original: Then all the reindeer loved him ...
Translation: At that point, the multitude of other members of the population
in his ecological community who had previously teased, chuckled boisterously,
and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms, reversed their disposition toward
Rudolph to a more congenial, amicable relationship.

Original: And they shouted out with glee ...
Translation: They consequently exclaimed with great exaltation and fervor,

Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer ...
Translation: Rudolph, the antlered mammal with a maroon nasal appendage,

Original: You'll go down in history!
Translation: You shall most certainly be recorded in the annals of time, and
your memory will be preserved for posterity!

Yeah Im on to it, Merry Christmas to all

G'day Lofty, Talked to Fewy today, the move to 2/4 sounds like a good reason to head up your way again keep in touch.


Garfield