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I wanted to write this months ago, but didnt, and now I want to again.
My friend Helen died 3 or so years ago, and I never got to express alot of things about that event. She was in and out of the school at the time, since 1990 or so...
I wonder what she would think, or how she would be affected if still alive with all you people here and this forum.
I knew her since 91, went thru alot with her, and knew how she struggled and suffered while trying to heal the traumas of her upbringing, and really just Enjoy Living.
She was present at the birth of my son, she was a sister to me, that despite our issues that often kept us apart, especially right before her death, I had so much love and magic happen between us, I am sure we were as close as friends can be during those years....between seperations..
She always had wisdom to help me, and we always laughed and had deep talk that was very familiar in a family way.
and it was always painful for me to see how she couldnt bring herself to leave school and make a pleasent, fun, joyful life for herself in an area where she was really "happy".
I thnk some people get attached to RSE becasue they are just so afraid of the aloneness.
Helen was using prozac, wine, other pain pills, regular "focussing", and sometimes all these at once...to deal with the cancer growth that she had that she told me she didnt want to do surgery on..after all she went thru in her past with doctors and such, a needless masectomy,... on top of early childhood molestation, physical abuse, etc......she couldnt bear that shed probably have to lose use of her arm [which happened anyway], and, she truly believed that her healing would happen thru some Alien technology, if only she'd hang in here long enough.
I offered to help take her to Brazil to see John of God, or like, WHEREEVER...to get some other form of treatment, but she wouldnt do it..She really expected being near the Ram was all enough, yet in many conversations, loudly vented that she was sick of being in school and wanted to leave. She told me this, as I had left RSE myself, years before, [and I wasnt dead yet]... so she knew I wouldnt try to talk her out of being "against sticking with the School". But even I couldnt sway her to leave the area as I thought she ought.
Then, she became so chemically, emotionally imbalanced, that no amount of help from anywhere, kept her alive long enough for any great miracle healing. She was very bonded with her grown kids, who lived elsewhere, and did manage to be with them in the end.
I just wanted to tell her, here in Public, how many times we miss her, and how sorry I am I did not show up when she was too ****** and scary to be around.
And to thank her for all her help and love.
I wish she was here so we could have Big laughs about whats happening here in Yelm NOW!
She did alot of food storing, and all the right survival things, and believe me, I could tell she didnt care about it after awhile, because she still wasnt a contented person.
And after she died, all the masters cleaned out her place...I dont know how many truly needy people got thier share, or did the "haves" just add to thier stock?
I just think if she were alive today she'd have so much support from you guys here, she might have had the courage to pay her
awful big debts!!
instead of spending $ on events for the "rush" of love she only found there. She used her credit card the way Ram suggested, and bought into Omega, and all other things, that never paid off the way it seemed they would...
...she Gave way more than she was able to recieve, in terms of gifts, if you can imagine someone obsessively giving presents until going in to debt over it....
and to see her die the way she did, was no fun at all for me.
She suffered badly, and only the drugs and alcohol provided temporary relief...Big time Intervention might have worked, this group here might have made her live longer, get free and happier, do the **** surgery anyway....
...I dont know.. and her kids were not happy either that she was here, but were very loving to allow her, and support her the whole time.
I can only wish that if theres anyone else in the school that feels the way Helen did while in those "dark Nights", which never ended in all the years of RSE, that you can find another way to learn how to heal your past, and make your earth visit more powerful and pleasent, rather than look to even Ramtha to give you that experience of yourself.
I know that was her free will... Maybe,
keeping her in school all those years,[!???!]
but living in her house and hearing all her most private thoughts, I know she remained haunted and unresolved in her pain, while trying to "rise above" her emotions, and use her mind to create her reality.
She also had suspicions and bad feelings about the way "Ramtha" changed over the years, but hey, I can see how JZ can easily NOT lose sleep over students like her...however, If I could have my way, and Be Ramtha for a day,
I would go around the audience and cherry pick certain people and tell them..
"You! Leave my audience! You are too dependant on me and it is not enlightening you the way you think it should. Go with my Love and you will always be Happy! So Be It!"
I think that would have freed Helen..to be pushed out of the house the way a good parent does to thier lazy, co Dependant children...
I think JZ should do more of that.
Anyway, I just wanted to mention her here, as I think she has been on my shoulders asking me to type so she can she what happens next!
Enough was easily shared out loud at parties and such, about the Good things about RSE...this place is more welcoming to share the rest of the story.
OK, thanks for reading y'all
Love You Helleee!
your loving kin of Wounded Buffalo,
It is a tragic story. I know a woman who was a long time student, named Brenda, who also died a death from cancer. She kept it very quiet, too. No interventions, just let it take its course on her. She has/had family who I believe are still in the school. If that's not enough to build a fire's worth of doubt from a candle flame, I don't know what can. It goes to show the depth of indoctrination. Or maybe it's simply emotional dependency, as you implied. But it has cost a number of students their lives.
That's one thing I remind myself of, often. For the many years I lost, and the time I took traveling, away from my quickly growing children, at least I'm still young enough to enjoy the children with the time I have now. My top priority now is my family. I've apologized and expressed my regret to the older ones, and thank goodness the little ones won't have to endure my poor choices.
The irony in it all, is that I thought that by attaining enlightenment in 7 years, I'd not only help myself, but would help them.
God Bless Helen, and all those that have traveled the same path as her.
I know this: if there really is any sort of "karmic justice", Judith has a deep debt to repay. I think we can all be very grateful we are not her !
What a wonderful tribute to your friend.
Her story is spoken and give to us by you. She is very much here and aware and this is her immortality on the day her story touches the hearts of the many who gather her.
Im noticing that there are some people who were just so emotionally and/or physically "damaged" [for lack of a better term, not meant as an insult, it happened to me too.]
...by early infant/childhood abuse, that its a very big project to recover with all ones free will powers Intact and able to function "normally".
IN an effort to gain spiritual strength and undo some of the harmful imprinting that occurred, that is still controlling "the reptilian brain" aspect of the personality, a person will be drawn to RSE...
often before consciously cleaning out enough to be able to see clearly, and apply wisely, any new spiritual teachings.
They think you can "behavior modify", using the mind power of attitude, and disciplines, and yet they shove down unresolved emotions, which never really dissapear anyway, because they are in the truth of the bodys natural cellular structure, and "quantum imprinting" [my term for unseen energy form].
You can certainly displace "truth", and hide it elsewhere...but eventually, it leaks out somehow.
And so all the schooling in the world doesnt help some people enough to "show" in Certain Ways, and if you are at the mercy of arrogant RSE students, all you get is more berating for not being good enough, or a condescening "just hang in there for another event" advise.. etc...
And yes, I have even caught myself displaying this judgement, when I felt "my way" was "better", such as in any position I proclaim my self to be in..!
Helen often asked me to help her in certain ways with this, but I didnt always know what to do beside the best I could, which was usually just with sharing ideas. And oh yes, having Fun!
Theres a new book out called "Feelings Matter", by Ceanne DeRohan, its a good one to check out. All non channelled material, BTW...
Speaking of Truth, I want to share just one more story.
One looong day on the name field [and I NEVER cheated], I bumped into JZs card twice.
It said "TRUTH", on it.
Does she still walk the field with the rest of everyone??
Have a great Day!
"Does she still walk the field with the rest of everyone??"
In the many times I've been over there, I've not seen her walk the field once. The only time I saw "her" on the field was when she, as "R," reprimanded the group I was in. At that, she was dressed in a feminine fashion and her feet looked "smaller" than onstage.
The field was utter and total mud. Other events, it was freezing or 100 degrees. Of course, she was in touch with the staff, since they had their earpieces in, and if they'd give us directions, you could see them listening and then saying, "JZ said I shouldn't tell you that you don't need to be very loud on the field, since then you'll be thinking about that instead of focusing."
Last time on that slick and muddy field for me, fever, etc., I was more ticked off with myself for going out again; oh, and also with "gravity" for not allowing me to levitate!!!!! (ahem)
In honor of Helen Frost, who I did not know, but would have liked to. She now knows truth.
This is a beautiful tribute to your friend. Thank you for sharing Helen's story even if it is sad in parts.
yes I saw JZ walking the field, more than once.
I liked that, it felt sort of real
Sees - can you tell us when you last saw her walk with the students? She's told us she awakens at 3 AM and does her walk in what sounded to me to be her driveway. In the past year, she was not on the field with us during the walks, unless she was in disquise (Judy in Disquise!) One event, she and some of her crew were away at another event. Another, she was in her house and called in, with a bad case of laryngitis. In July, the weather was 100 degrees, no exaggeration - and no "capes" to hide under. She wasn't in our walks. We would hear she was "watching us." The only time I saw her on the field was the episode I described on another thread - where she was dressed in a feminine manner, but behaved as though she were "the big guy."
That's five to six events in one year's time and I didn't see her on the field during the "walk" once.
Another thing, since she's been videotaped teaching, the audience gets the videos instead of her most of the time, from my own experience.
Of course, maybe it's for the best! Then again, a lot of editing does wonders a la "what the bleep."
I've heard Judith speak about herself sitting atop her roof-landing, watching students do the Legacy Walk, with binoculars. She even said she could sometimes read our lips. Why make such a comment ? It's like saying, we're under a microscope and she can "hear" what we're talking about ?? I never quite knew how to take that comment. But, it felt like it was another way to put herself above us somehow. Thought we are all equals ? LOL !!!
Have you ever heard that about the binoculars ? She even once said she hid behind a tree ! Sounds voyeuristic.
The times I referred to were in 91-93. and it was doing the cards. we hadnt "learned the other kind. So she was blindfolded. maybe it was just that one day, or that one retreat, but I think I remember her telling us how she had to do this herself and didnt have superpowers innate just becasue of Ram . dont mark my words here tho, please......
I just felt like finding her truth card twice ,[under the big tree] spoke about my own journey and maybe was giving me one of htose hints that I could be true to myself and go be my own guru, which I soon did.......what?!
"I've heard Judith speak about herself sitting atop her roof-landing, watching students do the Legacy Walk, with binoculars. She even said she could sometimes read our lips. Why make such a comment ? It's like saying, we're under a microscope and she can "hear" what we're talking about ?? I never quite knew how to take that comment. But, it felt like it was another way to put herself above us somehow. Thought we are all equals ? LOL !!!"
Oh my. After Micael's Hamburger Universe with a bearded guy in the sky holding a telescope -
If I had to guess, her entire property, including the wooded area behind the archery bales, is full of "candid cameras!" Hm. Wonder if she has videotapes of the wine orgies? GASP.
I wonder why she had, as reported in the Nisqually Valley News years ago, 15 people strip down naked and lie down before her. Yuck.