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Borderline Personality Disorder
Heads I Win, Tails You Lose
By Thunder Child
My personal belief is that the reason that a person suffering from BPD always degrades a Non in front of other people is rooted in the need for the sufferer to always be right. In order for a BPD sufferer to always be right the Non, by definition, always has to be wrong, "Heads I win, tails you lose". This sounds like stating the obvious; but the obvious masks the motives and actions of the BPD sufferer.
In order to make a Non wrong all of the time, an air of mistrust between the Non and the people they regularly have contact with must be created. To do this the BPD sufferer has to control the people with whom the Non has contact and the perception of the Non by those people.
In order to do this the Non has to be isolated from their own friends, family and anything which gives them healthy support, confidence and individuality. To do this the Non has to become part of a controlled circle of 'friends', and the Non removed from their own circle of friends and pastimes.
Once the Non is part of this new group the person suffering from BPD can now start making this group believe that the Non is a bad person. In all likelihood the process will already have begun. Ideally this group will get to the point that it will start reading bad motives into everything the Non does.
As the Non no longer has any other reference point or support structure, they can, I believe, get to the point that they believe this version of events themselves.
Why do this?
A person suffering from BPD is incredibly egocentric, everything in their lives has to be geared towards them, and they always have to be right. By creating the above situation they achieve the following aims:
They are always right, and the Non is always wrong. Their friends reinforce this, because of the faulty perception these friends have of the Non.
By making the Non the bad guy, the person suffering from BPD becomes the victim and will receive sympathy from their friends, boosting their ego, and self belief that they are right.
By controlling the Non's life, the Non is made to believe that they are wrong. With no countering opinion available, even the strongest person will be ground down.
When the Non tries to break this control, a confrontation will erupt. The Non is then accused of being the aggressor and of being the bully. This is used to reinforce the "I'm right, you are wrong" mind set and the external perception that the Non is a bad person.
Confrontations are often staged and managed. The Non is either isolated from supporting witnesses, or the BPD sufferer allows witnesses only when they can control the perception of the witnesses against the Non.
How to recover from it?
The first thing to do is get out of the relationship; you cannot do any of the things required to recover while still under this negative influence. You will not be given the freedom required. Second thing is to remember who you really are, and that you are not the person you have been painted as being.
Break the cycle you have been put into, get out and meet people, make new friends. Re-establish contact with old friends, do the things you did before you meet the person suffering from BPD or if that isn't possible go out and do new things.
In short you have to re-establish yourself as an individual and let people see who you really are. This undoes the damage that has done, and reverses the effects of your treatment. There is strong likelihood that even the people who have been poisoned against you will eventually see through the lies.
My BPD sufferer did exactly this to me, they slowly but surely isolated me from all of the things that made me who I was and am. Isolated me from my friends, stopped me doing the sport I loved with the people I had done it with for years and even tried to isolate me from my family. This was done over a period of years, and so subtly that I never actually noticed what was happening. Only now in retrospect can I see what happened.
I am several months down the track, and I have been lucky. I was able to move back to my family. I have some brilliant friends, who have provided me with the help and support I have needed to start rebuilding myself. In many cases they are people who I got cut off from, and they have welcomed me back into the fold with open arms.
I still have a long way to go, but I am also a long way down the road. The first step is always the hardest, but the sooner you make that first step the sooner you can start to feel the benefits of making it.
Have you EVER heard "Ramtha" say one negative thing about his "daughteren?"
Some adults who enter into relationships with borderlines feel brainwashed by the BP's accusations and criticisms. Says Benham: "The techniques of brainwashing are simple: isolate the victim, expose them to inconsistent messages, mix with sleep deprivation, add some form of abuse, get the person to doubt what they know and feel, keep them on their toes, wear them down, and stir well."
People with BPD may have a hard time seeing gray areas. To them, people and situations are all black or white.
To quote a line from a not-so-distant sci-fi movie--"only a sith speaks in absolutes."
Black and White. Zebra. It makes sense. Colorblind to grey, which is what most of life is due to individuality--something rse is in actuality disdainful of.
Good point, Tree.
G2G......"Only the Sith speaks in absolutes."
Judi's past resembles that of Darth Vader.
A common person on the rode to understanding when the test of power seduces her pretty little brain into thinking that she needs somebody else's hair weaved into her own, a foreign substance injected in her lips, dental implants loaded with advanced technology, an advanced type Borg ear/inner brain implant and most likely some kind of face lift that hides the real truth that her face would telegraph.
I didn't mentioned Judi's old breast implants because I have a fondness for boobs and think she should of went with the Pamela Anderson double D models.
Judi in black mask as Lord Vader and the students as the White Storm Trooper's in trance is a good visual.
But then again so is Ramtha strutting around with bigger boobs.
What a parody this would make for a youtube claymation video.
"What a parody this would make for a youtube claymation video. "
so true and very funny!!
and the walking dead ("current students")
ashen, graying hair ("show your widsom proudly!"), fat ,with wine and tequila bottles in tow,
walking endlessly in circles around the
holy mother chanting:
"We have always been......."
(oh wait-is that copyrighted?)