For many months I have been a passive and grateful participant on this forum. Words simply cannot express my deepest appreciation to the moderators of this forum as well as to all the ones who have shared their deepest and sweetest thoughts and experiences and questions. My heart is overflowing with awe at the beauty of the hearts and souls of those who frequent this forum. My most sincere thanks to all of you.

My experience with RSE was from 1990 to 1991. Perhaps those two years seem insignificant in relation to those of you "experienced" it for many years. However, my brief tenure there was deep and powerful. It shook me to the core and I felt like every cell in my being had been re-arranged after the first "beginners weekend." I felt "stuck" in Limbo. Those were the actual words I used in 1990. I am incredibly sensitive to frequencies and I knew something was OFF, but didn't know what.

There were crimson red flags all over the place for me. At one attendance I was close to the front and minutes after J/R stopped speaking and we had a few minutes break for a 30 minute line up for the BRs, I saw J/R go over to the young man J was seeing at the time, (joe??)and put her/his hand through the young man's hair. I thought hmmmm, that must be J,,,although it was supposed to be R.....

Later that day R was upset and sent some one from "The field" to find out 'who those people were',,,and I thought again,,,,hmmmm, who doesn't HE know who they are and why does he seem upset that He doesn't know ????

I could write a book,,,, it was the flags,,,not the fact that running into each other at full speed on the field during the 1990 Intensive ,,, made me question things. Bones were broken and people returned in wheel chairs,,,,ballons were awarded for the maimed and injured. ( unreal) But it was what I felt and experienced on a deeper internal level,,,,,

But then in 1991, when I was VERY serious into doing the C&E etc,when I was thousands of miles away and back home, that something very strange happened to me. When I would begin doing C&E at home, these words kept ringing in my mind,,,," Guide me Oh Thou Great Jehovah ",,,,and I could not get INTO the C & E. This went on for weeks. Finally I located an old church hymnal and I found a song that matched the exact words that were blocking my C&E. This floored me and I had not thought of those words or that song for 40 or more years !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That happened within me along with an inner promise of POWER if I would serve Jehovah,,,,and I decided then and there, I would NOT return to RSE, although I was already addicted to the New Info and the powerful emotions I felt when there. I would NOT return until or unless I knew for SURE that there was not a Jehovah influence involved at RSE. Obviously I never did return,,,but it was not until this forum, that I knew above all doubts THAT I WOULD NEVER AGAIN RETURN TO RSE,,,,because I went there with an open heart to learn more wisdom, compassion, love, caring and understanding, etc,,,,and I learned none of that.

So dear sweet and loving souls of this forum,,,,it was HERE that I met the wisdom, and love and caring and understanding that I so deeply and sincerely sought at RSE. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the GIFT you have all given me!!!

Bluebird writes, ",,,,it was HERE that I met the wisdom, and love and caring and understanding that I so deeply and sincerely sought at RSE. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the GIFT you have all given me!!! "

I understand your feelings, Bluebird. That's how I felt when I was on my way out the RSE door, and I found FACTNet. I was SO glad to have read through so many posts that reflected deep thinking and questioning, rather than blind acceptance of the dogma RSE was spouting, along with the various forms of negativity toward the student body.

I was SO sincere about my quest to know God. I still am, but it's no longer an external quest. I do my very best to be a good person and...well...live by the "Golden Rule" of do unto others...

My current belief is that if there is a God, whatever that means, then at whatever level I may be accountable to that God at some point, I WANT to at least know I did my best. Not out of fear, but out of love and compassion that I happen to find joy and peace, knowing I endeavored to add something "positive" to this life and the lives of those I touch, be it family, friends, or strangers.

I really believe that a lot of people feel that way. But, that's because I believe in the inherent good in people. Maybe that makes me naive. If so, that's alright. I'll be naive.

Welcome to EMF. Maybe you'll feel more comfortable about posting in the future, as well. It can get a bit spicey here at times, hahaha. Lots of opinions and emotions going on, somtimes. Plus, we can't please everyone, and some folks are just plain angry that this site exists. That's okay.

Skipping merrily along ...

Bluebird-

Thank you for coming out and "singing your song". Your post was moving. I find it inspiring to know there are brothers and sisters, silently reading and benefiting.

Keep singing your song and sharing with us! You never know whose life you are inspiring by doing so! Fly Blue bird Fly!

Hello Bluebird
Thanks for joining in. I was very intrigued by your experience of "Guide Me Oh Thou Great Jehovah" and the "promise" (yeah, sure) of inner power if you would serve Jehovah.

If one takes a step back from the organization and views it through neutral eyes in fact the behavior of the leader in some ways resembles that of the legend Jehovah. Anyway, that is my opinion and it is an open question in my mind what is really going on at RSE. So I was very interested to read your story. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks Whatcha, DN, and EWO for your responses. This forum seems to be SO very much the vibe that resonates with me. In 1990 at rse after the week long required "intensive or Assay" or whatever they were called then, I found the vibe that resonated with me. That was a VERY hard week and at the end, Big R (?) told us, the Omakad (sp?) to jump to the Elohim group IF we felt worthy. WE had passed tests in the heat, were focused, blah, blah, blah. Well, that caused quite a quandry, some Elohims were unhappy as they were the "Elite Group" and did we the new group,,,feel worthy ??!! Watching this occur, I felt such incredible love for some of the students going through this decision making process and I felt such compassion for them. They were in to soul integrity on a deep level for this decision. ( Those days we wore the sweats with the group names on them.) I only remember this feeling of love and compassion I felt....as we left for the week. Other than that, I felt none of this from the group experience of the week. That to me felt more mental and ritualistic.

EWO, I too found the Jehovah experience to be shocking. I see no way that could have been conscious, because I opened in completeness to experience what RSE offered. No, I did not give up all my discernment, but it would have been unthinkable for me at that time to imagine the R to be Jehovah in any way shape or form. I am not saying that is my thinking then or now,,,,,, just sharing what happened to me.

Also during the 1991 invasion of the middle east under father Bush, there was a tape that was released from RSE that created incredible fear in me. It was very disproportionate to the war fear but to me there was something subliminal to it. It felt like terror. At the following event at RSE I was waiting in line for something or other, and I heard people behind me talking about that tape and they were saying how much fear they felt when they heard it. One guy said he felt he WAS prepared for the 'days to come' and he was shocked at the amount of fear he felt when he heard the tape,,,,The tape was about the war, how awful it would be,,,days to come,,,,etc. Booga, booga, booga,,,

Another reason I had to KNOW where the 'power' being used at the RSE came from,,,,,,

It did not FEEL uplifting to me,,,,never did. But the gold of any event there ,,,was what I felt from the hearts of many of the 'students'.

Bluebird,

I was at that event. I went in as Om Akad, and I fell for the oft played/repeated trick to the ego of "you are so great/better/unique" that R used to play on the students. He pitted one group against another, often.

I detested those "uniforms" that were SOLD at RSE, with pigeonhol labels (names) on the such as Elohim, Ahk Men Ra, Om Akad, etc. I was fairly vocal about being TOLD by R that we HAD TO wear those, and the garbage about how each group was special because it had its own frequency, and we needed (WHO needed?) to stay together so we could build the frequency as a collective, etc. Well, given that no two events had the same students in it, that just doesn't come through in the wash as an accurate statement. It seemed to me, to be more about CONTROLLING & MANIPULATING the masses.

Why ? Because back then, Elohim was told they were The Best, and all others were less than. Hence, the manipulation of asking oneself if they came in under Om Akad (only a function of 1 - 2 years difference between when you "joined" RSE...seems stupid now especially when the school is so old and fruitless), whether or not one felt worthy to join the Elohim group.

Welllll...if one wanted to join the Elohim group, they HAD TO attend $$$$$ the soon upcoming Assay at that time. I did. Foolish me. We spent DAYS in the Tank/Labyrinth, in VERY hot, humid weather. People ended up in the hospital for dehydration and related issues. "Ramtha" stood atop the tank and sprayed people with a hose. How thoughtful of him.

Anyway, I'm digressing. Ramtha has always fostered, in many ways, a competitive attitude, iced with fear, among the students. I remember one time when he said it is GOOD to be ARROGANT ! Well, sadly a number of Blue College students took that literally and to heart - a cold heart - and would not think anything of snubbing a "partner" that didn't meet their lofty standards of how to BE a partner during an event. Ramtha openly fostered this behavior. I'm sure, in my own mind/opinion, that this was some sort of human behavioral experiment on someone's part. Let's just see how we can play with the folkies. Some fell for it.

I disdained it, but I tolerated it to a point. It's one of the things on my "get out of here" list, that helped push me out the door. I frequently "forgot" my Elohim shirt. Oops! I was glad when that whole group/clothing thing - that students paid for almost always. Except for a few times when some items were given away for free.

Have to get off line...........