Enlighten Me Free


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On the lighter side of things

Life Purpose
"Ten Guidelines to Enlightenment."
By Swami Beyondananda.

Ten Guidelines to Enlightenment

1. Be a FUNdamentalist. Ensure that the FUN always comes before the MENTAL. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason we are put in the material world is to get more material from that track. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, which will ensure regularity.

2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for entering, so you are already a winner!

3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That's where I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can change the channel.

4. Life is like photography -- you use the negative to develop. No matter what adversity you face, be reassured: of course God loves you. . .

5. It is true: as we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears and cause a condition called "truth decay." Be sure to use mental floss twice a day, and when you're tempted to practice 'tantrum yoga', remember what we teach in the Swami's Absurdiveness Training Class: don't get EVEN, get ODD.

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you and you no mad at me. That way there will surely be nomadness on the planet. Peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there. Pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

7. I know, great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple: when you find a fault, don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world and we'll never have to change it again.

9. If you're looking for the key to the Universe, I've got some good news, and some bad news. The bad news: there is no key to the Universe. The good news: it was never locked.

10. Finally, everything I've told you is 'channeled'. That way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. But, remember: enlightenment is not a bureaucracy, so you don't have to go through channels.

Copyright 2001, by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved.

Re: On the lighter side of things

THAT is possibly the BEST thing I have EVER read!

Re: On the lighter side of things

How about some eggs for breakfast?????
Talk about scrambled.....

Re: On the lighter side of things

Re Journey
Ohhhh GAD! I didnt notice you posted a link ... that IS hysterical
She looks a little concerned, dont you think? At least its not the photo from 1986 like on everything else, I like the hair-do too
I wonder how the Emu feels about it though
Kind-a pricey too, but thats no surprise!!!!!

Re: On the lighter side of things

PS the thing about those old eggs is, if you break 'um open, they really stink! DANGER DANGER

Re: On the lighter side of things

I see that JZ is keeping the usual company, the Three Stooges.

And that picture is just not pretty, my knowingness says a lawsuit is imminent!

Re: On the lighter side of things

Re Cowboy
Do you think she knows about it? Someone should tell her, it IS a bad picture... really... I feel sad.

Re: On the lighter side of things

How about a billboard in Yelm? She does like to look at herself!

Re: On the lighter side of things

I used to be a sign painter... I could help

Re: On the lighter side of things

you guys are so fuuny - i laughed so hard - they do say laugher is healing so thanks again - actually she looks like she is constipated!!!!!

Re: On the lighter side of things


Re: On the lighter side of things

Journey Thats a great site, someone posted it on another thread awhile back. Everyone should check it out for a HOOT or two!!

I wonder if the guy is an X-Ramster or maybe his whole family is???
Thanks for posting the link!

Re: On the lighter side of things




Re: On the lighter side of things

Wonder if anyone else thinks this might make it into a required item one needs to take with them to RSE events......


Re: On the lighter side of things

Gee, with this cool toy, who needs RSE ?

JTR, this must be "news" today, as I saw it on yahoo, also.

Re: On the lighter side of things

About time for some levity....somethings never change......


Re: On the lighter side of things

amusing but true blog..

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Ramtha Sells Her Celebrity As Your Enlightenment

File under: Satscams, Gurus Clockin' Dollars and Wackadoo Gurus

It required a Herculean application of will power to prevent ourselves from using a nail gun to perforate our eyeballs after we saw this:

The pitch: Become a Remarkable Life

The sell: You too can be a celebrated "enlightened" person like me!

The result: Imagine paying someone hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars to have monkeys throw excrement into your hot tub. Now imagine that hot tub is your mind.

We're convinced this is a sign of the end times. There just isn't any use in pointing out that enlightenment is often seen as remarkably unremarkable from the regard of the life in which it is known. It would be futile to note that all the imagined cosmoses of all the imaginary beings that get "channeled" by Knight and other New Age™ cons and wackadoos all have as much to do with the truth of our being as a dog's ass. And it would definitely be stupid to think that we can ever really do anything about any of it... anymore.

Nonetheless, we feel we should be standing on a corner, weeping for the Truth. Yet we're afraid we are looking at the future. Normal human reason is becoming extinct, and clarity is being replaced by anyone's interpretation of their subjective experience, regardless of how made up it is.

Leading us into that future with bags of money, a surgically-enhanced visage and perhaps a bit (or a lot) of cunning, JZ Knight and her 35,000 year-old "master", Ramtha, are set to bring us straight into a new dark age.

What The Bleep We Know is that things are not looking good for spiritual understanding in America when wackadoos like Knight are regarded as "prophets", let alone being paid cash to dispense this kind of clarity-occluding nonsense. We hope those who fall prey will find it only a stepping stone to much greener and cleaner pastures, leaving the encumbering effects of Knight's spewage like a cow pie in last year's meadow.
posted by jody @ 5:52 PM


Re: On the lighter side of things

Go, jody, go.

Notice that the jingle "Become a Remerkable Life" suggests that the reader is unremarkable? Would that be called preying on the weak and insecure? No one would do that, would they?? For money??

Re: On the lighter side of things

Posted: "What The Bleep We Know is that things are not looking good for spiritual understanding in America when wackadoos like Knight are regarded as "prophets"..."

Yeah...and so, what's up with Asia ?

Stay tuned.