Reg has second thoughts about eavesdropping on the US ladies as, frankly, he doesn't need the hassle.

He turns to his right to see how Ian is fitting in with Les and Tony.

Tony: ... and we even got our photo taken outside The Rovers' Return!

Les: Sounds like a great day out, Tony.

Ian: Hi guys.

Both: Hi Ian. Glad you made it on board, one way or another!

All three: Ha, ha, ha.

Ian: Guys - can you help me with one thing? Pieter's an interesting chap, isn't he? He seems to own a farm. And he's got a gunshop. Also he seems to have enough money to travel to all of Alvin's gigs. How do you think he does it?

Tony: Maybe it's because he's a landowner

Les: Nah Tony ... there's no way Pete's a Cockney. Agreed Ian?

Ian: Agreed mate.

Meanwhile, some of the Americans have noticed that there is not much social intercourse going on between the three English guys and the two Scots right behind them.

Glenn: Hey! Don't you UK guys all get along with each other?

Jeremy: Yeah. What is it with this English, Scots, Welsh and Irish thing, anyway?

Unexpectedly, Ignaz breaks in.

Ignaz: That reminds me of a joke ... it is the second world war. Some Germans capture four UK soldiers - an Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and an Irishman. The German leader says, 'We are going to have to shoot you, one after the other'.

Eric interrupts.

Eric: But what about the Geneva Convention?

Reg: What's that? A Swiss prog-rock band? Ha, ha.

Silence.

Reg: (Cough). Er, carry on Ignaz.

Ignaz: OK. So he says you will be shot one after the other. But first you can have one last wish. Welshman - what is your last request?

Welshman: I would love to hear a Welsh male voice choir singing 'Bread Of Heaven'.

German: And your last request, Scotsman?

Scotsman: Och, I'd like to hear the sound of the bagpipes just one last time.

German: And Irishman?

Irishman: Oh, I need to hear the song 'Danny Boy' just once more before I die.

German: And you, Englishman? What is your request?

Ignaz: And the Englishman replies ... (Ignaz builds up the tension) ... the Englishman replies ...

Les interrupts.

Les: ... oh, for ----'s sake, shoot me first!

Les, Tony and Ian collapse in hysterics at the front of the bus. Reg is bent over, laughing uncontrollably while resting his head on Les's headrest. All four Englishmen all holding their sides, and tears of laughter roll down their faces. Behind Les and Tony, Graeme and Alan sit bolt upright, unsmiling and arms crossed.

Ignaz: No, no ... that wasn't it ... let me finish ...

(That joke is copyright of Reg Sapworthy Enterprises Limited. On payment of a small fee it may be adapted for use in your own country, to reflect, exploit - and quite possibly worsen - any regional tensions which may exist there.)

Silence.

Stop quibbling, listen and compare notes.





I put this one on because it's America's Birthday today.
I haven't noticed, have we left the parking lot yet?

Hi Reg,

We U.S. ladies are adorable so when you do get a chance to eavesdrop on us, I hope you will find us to be charming, enchanting and delightful in every way.

Email  

Hey Robin,no one is charming, enchanting and delightful in every way. I mean, in most ways, sure, but I can't promise I can pull it off throughout the entire bus trip. I mean, what if someone reminds me how mad Republicans make me, or plays ABBA music... or lets Mark Farner get on the bus?

Email   Website

All American girls i know are upbeat and great to spend time with.

Hi Toni.

"in every way" is definitely a stretch, but today is our country's birthday and I always get hyper-idealistic on this day.

Email  

Hassle, Reg? What hassle? Gee, I thought for sure you'd be in the jolliest of moods after laughing at yourself so much, British style, following the reading you must have done earlier of my, I mean, Mother Nature's, first post of the day! :-) Aw. Poor, poor Reg. It's all an evil plot! How could the Fates be so cruel!? Come on, old chum, buck up and don't be so, um, glum. A good host wants to get it right, and make things as enjoyable as possible for ALL his guests, even the odd diva or divil, doesn't he? Well, doesn't he? Come on... try it, you'll like it! To quote Bobby Zimmerman: EVERYBODY must get, er, stoned. On this bus, possibly literally! :-)

Email  

Yeah, Reg. What she said! :-)

Quote: Robin

Hi Reg,

We U.S. ladies are adorable so when you do get a chance to eavesdrop on us, I hope you will find us to be charming, enchanting and delightful in every way.

Email  

Yeah again, Reg! What SHE said, too! :-)

Email  

Good old Piet! And all Dutchmen and Scandinavian men *I* know are worthy partners in the Clog Stomp Polka!! Oh yeah, and a certain transplanted Englishman. Alvin, may I have this dance? :-)

Quote: Pieter

All American girls i know are upbeat and great to spend time with.

Email